I am surrounded by amazing people, and in ignorance I pass them over as mere friends.  Because of my recent "Event" I have been spending morre time talking to my friends than I bothered to do so for years. Having removed a huge part of my life, I suddenly have a huge amount of emotion whip-lashing around and more importantly, a huge amount of time in which to think and reconsider and doubt. 

To avoid the inevitable self-reflection and regret, I have been trying to fill my hours with everything I can. So far, this has meant calling as many of the friends I have never spoken to for months as I can, and sleeping on the sofas of all those who are close even to let me at short notice.  The wonderful thing is that - having given a definitive negative to the query as whether to I want to talk about "it" - I spent more time talking about my friends, showing interest in their lives, than I have for far too long.

Being in a relationship makes you emotionally selfish; you spend so much time investing in one person, and opening yourself up to one person, that the need to share with everyone else becomes secondary, even tertiary.  Suddenly all the little relationships - the friendships nutured over years, or the ones that need nothing but a rugby match and four pints to sustain - all those smaller human interactions are suddenly crushed by this enormous Relationship.  I never even noticed I was doing it.

So in the last few days I have discovered that one of my friends in the Director of a School of Governers in Hackney; another is the author of an award-winning Food blog;  a third is on the committee of a governmental financial regulatory advisory board.

And, I have a friend who is an award-winning film maker.  Last night, for the first time, she showed me her movies.  Six shorts, all of varying quality and style; some shocking, some placid; all touched by genius.

These films ranged from tense sci-fi to rom-com; surrealist to harsh-lit reality.  They were incredible little snap-shots; really perfect.  I was astonisheed and humbled by the quality of her work.  I have seen full-length movies that didn't have the emotional depth or dramatic, narrative arcs of these 5-10 minutes image paintings.

It completely changed the way I view her:  I know she is whip-crack intelligent, and charming and enthusiastic but for years, I have seen her as a bit free-spirit and ditzy. Maybe I'm just patronizing and chauvanistic but I never realised there was anything so "solid" behind this front - maybe she cultured this facade, maybe I assumed it myself.

It was humbling.  I'm looking forward to debasing myself further.  I love my friends. I'm looking forward to loving them more.