Too Effective

A girl once told me that I was very effective. At the time I took it as a massive compliment;it meant that I was very good at saying the right thing at the right time, that I could make the point I was aimimg for, reach the goal I wanted, efficiently and without goimg round the houses to get there. It meant things accelerated very quickly and we got to a relationship of intimacy and were able to communicate at a much higher level much more quickly than would normally be the case.

Usually the short hand I use to achieve this «effectiveness» is that of literary references, of cultural references, the shared experiences through another medium that allow two people to share a common point of reference without further need for discussion or explanation. I usually find it to be a wonderful conceit that this book, or this quote, or that song, or that poem can express a shared thought in a fraction of the time that the full discussion and agreement would require.

Now I view it as a curse. I am very well read. I take it as a point of pride that I am aware of this reading of such book, and have read that criticism of so film. It makes me feel clever and well-read and well-rounded. Unfortunately, it also makes me very effective. with everyone.

When you have read all books, heard all songs, know all films, it means there is an obvious point of reference for all situations. It creates artificial intimacy with everyone. How do you distinguish between these people, these intimacies? You have to just trust to yourself, I suppose.

But there is a diametrically opposite problem.  Now that I know my choice, every lyric, every quote, every thought, every word makes me think of her.  There is no turning away from her, no chance of blocking her from my mind,  And song piles upon song piles upon song till all music is her.  She is everywhere now in my wakimg moments and in my dreams. everywhere but where she should be.

In my arms. In my bed. By my side.

Piece of the puzzle, you're my missing part.